Stand Still
by Cindy Ryan
Summary: With no leads the search for Lucy is at a momentary stand still. John finds a moment of comfort with Grace


Title: Stand Still  
author: Cindy Ryan  
spoilers: all

"We're at a stand still."Sgt. Wade Grey announced to the dirty tired group of searchers standing in the roll call room. "I've called second and third shifts in early so don't think we're giving up. Go home, see your families get a few hours of rest. I'll call you back if we get a lead."

John Nolan felt like he'd been sucker punched as he stood in the familiar room. Grey's words seemed to echo and to John the C.O looked the worst he'd ever seen him. That included that awful week they'd lost Captain Anderson. Grey seemed to be aging before John's eyes. The toll of Lucy's disappearance etched on Wade's haggard face.

Officer Lucy Chen had been missing for ten hours. At least that was the best estimate from the video security footage they'd gotten from the bar she'd been last seen at. They're been no ransom demand, no demands at all. It was as if Caleb Wright had gone to ground. That was why Grey had regrouped everyone at the station. Why he was giving them a reprieve. John knew Tim was right; Lucy wouldn't rest. She wouldn't give up. The fact that he knew she wouldn't give up on anything was what had kept John sane the last few hours. As they had dug up half the old LA zoo. As their fingers had bleed and their fatigue grown.

At his customary spot John stood and turned watching the other offices slowly leave. He wasn't surprised to see one familiar face not among them and it caused a knot in his stomach. John knew without asking that Tim Bradford had disobeyed a direct order and was still searching. Part of John wanted to still be out there too. If he'd been a little quicker in that underground tunnel they'd have Wright in custody. John could still hear that metal door as it slammed closed. Movement to his left drew John's attention and he glanced over to see his C.O staring at the door.

"Part of command I hate."Grey commented grimly.

John nodded remaining silent; lost in his own thoughts.

"I'd keep everyone out there if I'd thought it'd do a damn bit of good right now."Grey continued with a sigh.

"Bradford's still out there."John commented sadly.

Grey scrubbed a hand over his face as he sat down on the edge of the table.

"Dispatch says his radio's turned off."Grey explained with a shake of his head. "Tim blames himself; gave Chen advice that led her to that bar. I tried to convince him otherwise..."

John cringed in sympathy.

"Wright's unstable; he would've found a way to get Lucy if Bradford hadn't given that advice."John reasoned softly.

"I tried to tell him that."Grey said as he stood and clamped a hand on John's left shoulder. "Go home, get some rest, some food."

Numbly John nodded and stood and with a heavy heart he walked past Lucy's usual seat and out the door. They had to find her; bring her home.

Dr. Grace Sawyer glanced over the crowd in the busy ER and saw a familiar face. John Nolan was leaning against the far wall. His hair disheveled, his police uniform torn and dirty. John looked pale and shaken and Grace told a colleague she'd be right back and raced towards him thinking he'd been hurt. She reached John and it seemed to take him a few seconds to realize she was there. Grace repeated her first question.

"John, are you hurt?"Grace asked worriedly.

* * *

John blinked in confusion as he heard the worry in Grace's voice. It was only then that he remembered his appearance. The dirt and blood on his uniform. The blood had been from Harper after she'd gotten injured pulling debris from one of the search areas of the old zoo. Stubborn as always his T.O had barely taken the time to allow a bandage on her left forearm. John pushed himself away from the wall as he shook his head.

"Not mine; I'm okay physically anyway."John responded grimly as he ran a hand through his hair and met Grace's gaze. "We haven't found Lucy." 

* * *

Grace's heart sank at the words. John had called her briefly that morning to let her know what was going on. Now she wrapped him in a hug and felt his body go slack and she felt wetness on her neck as his shoulders shook briefly from sobs. After a few minutes he composed himself and stepped back. She took his left hand and tugged him towards a waiting room that was empty. Grace closed the door and sat on the sofa besides John.

"I'm so sorry."Grace stated not knowing what else to say.

John nodded and Grace saw him swallow hard. Then he sighed and sank back against the sofa leaning his head back staring at the ceiling.

"Grey sent us home since we're at a stand still. We've searched everywhere we can think of, there's no new leads and Wright's in the wind."Nolan said softly. "I couldn't go home; not with Lucy still out there."

Grace moved closer and rested her head on John's right shoulder. He flashed her a grateful look.

"Bradford's still searching; didn't obey the order to come in."John commented grimly.

"She's his partner."Grace replied quietly. "I only met them a few times but I saw the friendship there She's important to him."

"And to all of us."John stated solemnly feeling a lump in his throat. "If we don't bring her home, Grace...God, I don't want to think what it'll do to Bradford, to West..."

"To you."Grace finished as she reached out and squeezed his right hand. "I believe you'll find her, but if the worst happens you'll have each other."

"I'm glad you're back in my life."John said simply after a few minutes of silence.

"Me too."Grace commented as she squeezed John's right hand. 

* * *

They sat in silence for several more minutes. John's thoughts on Lucy and if he would ever see her again. Then a page over the intercom broke the quiet.

"Dr. Sawyer to the ER. Dr. Sawyer."

Grace sighed as she stood.

"I'm sorry; I have to go."Grace apologized.

John stood and wrapped her in a brief hug.

"Thank you."John said as he kissed her quickly. "I needed to see you; it helped more than you'll know."

"Keep me updated?"Grace asked as she stepped to the door.

"Of course."John replied with a nod. "Do you mind if I stay here for awhile?"

"Get some rest."Grace said softly. "I'll make sure you're not disturbed."

As Grace left and closed the door behind her John sank back onto the sofa. He looked down at the dirt and blood on his uniform and felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. John looked out the window before he stretched out on the sofa and rested his head on the arm rest. /Hang in there, Lucy. We're coming; I promise we're going to find you./  
John's last thoughts as he drifted to sleep was that he hoped he hadn't just made a promise he couldn't keep.

end


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